Boot Camp, Day 13

Praise Jesus, Mary Joseph, all the Saints, Allah, Zeus, Buddha, and all the other deities, BOOT CAMP IS OVER!!! And I didn't die. Bonus.

Today was the final assessment and since I missed the first one, there wasn't a lot for me to compare my results to. After Drill Sargent weighed everyone and measured and assessed their body fat, it was my turn. I was like, no really, I wasn't here for the first assessment, what's the point? He said, "How about we at least do your body fat?" I sarcastically replied, "I would LOVE to." Let's just say, I need to do about 10 more Boot Camps!

Even though I don't necessarily have concrete results to compare, I can definitely feel a difference in my energy level. I also have toned up quite a bit and have definitely lost some inches. Tomorrow is WW so I will know how much, if any, weight I lost during Boot Camp.

It was definitely a worthwhile experience and I highly recommend it to any lady out there who would like to kick start her fitness routine. www.louisvillebootcamp.com. Check it out!

I think I will probably go back in January after the holiday eating frenzy!

Boot Camp, Day 12

September 24, 2009

This was the last official workout day for Boot Camp! It was humid as hell again today. It rained, so we went undercover back by the pool at Tom Sawyer. I desperately wanted to jump in the pool, slimy green water and all because I was so freakin' HOT. And the amount of sweat that poured off of my body, seriously, I had to wring my clothes out when I was finished.

Drill Sargent found a new torture device for us: picnic tables. He made us do 4,000 step-ups onto the bench, which is no easy task for a gal who is barely 5'3"! We also did tricep dips on the picnic table. Who knew a picnic table could be a piece of workout equipment?

All in all, another really good workout!

Boot Camp, Day 11

Holy cow, was it humid this morning. I have NEVER sweated so much in my entire life. If was dripping down into my eyes for crying out loud. It was a really good workout today though. It went by pretty fast and was over before I knew it. Only one more workout and then assessments on Friday! Woo hoo!!!

I am very glad to have my partner in crime back!

Jonah's Birthday Party

Pulling off 2 parties in one day (one of which was a surprise) was no easy task. The majority of the work was done by my parents but it was still an exhausting day. Everyone had a great time though. The kids had a ball skateboarding in the back yard and thankfully, there were no serious injuries!

Here are some of the highlights...

OMG I'm Married to a 40 Year Old

How on earth did that happen? Where have the last 14 years gone? It's been a blur.

The surprise party was a success. I think he was sufficiently surprised. He was definitely surprised by the people who were there if nothing else.

When we arrived at my Mom and Dad's house for the "UofL/UK party," their garage door opened and there were his friends waiting to surprise him. I was so thrilled that Rose and Brian made it in from Knoxville. That was the biggest surprise of all to him. Also, John and Tara made it in from Lexington along with several of his work friends and some of my family.

We all had a great time. The weather was spectacular.

As always, my Mom and Dad did a phenomenal job with the cake and all the details. Many, many thanks to them and Carol, Becky and Joe who also helped tremendously. I couldn't have pulled it off without you guys.

Michael said he felt really special. Thank you for always treating him and loving him like one of your own! We are both so lucky to have such a wonderful family!

Here are some pictures of little V from the party...

Boot Camp, Day 10

I'm a loser. Didn't go. Violet kept me up all night and I was too tired. Lame excuse, I know. But that's what happened.

Lucky me, we are meeting 4 times this week because we have assessment day on Friday!

Boot Camp, Day 9

I went. I didn't die. The end.

Boot Camp, Day 8

Well, I was starting to feel a little cocky after Monday's Boot Camp, like, I have this whole Boot Camp thang down. Oh boy, was I put back in my place today! Drill Sargent wasn't feeling well today and he certainly took it out on us. (And by the way, why didn't any of you grammar punks tell me I was spelling "Sargent" wrong this whole time?)

After watching the Biggest Loser last night, I was thinking I needed a little Jillian in my life. Some hard core, bad ass biatch yelling in my face saying things like, "Move your fat ass NOW!" and "Maybe if you had lifted a few more weights and a few less donuts, you wouldn't be here right now!" Even though DS isn't an f-bomb dropping, in your face, hard core kinda guy like Jillian, he still manages to push us to the point of wanting to die.

So here's a recap of today...

We arrive a few minutes early. DS isn't there yet. We stretch a little and begin the "warm up." About 1/2 way around the first lap, DS pulls in. Angela remarks, "He's late. He needs to drop and give us 20." We have a good laugh.

The biggest torture of the day is something called "body builders." Basically, you jump down and back into a push-up position, jump your legs out into a "jumping jack" position, then jump them back together, drop into a push-up then hoist yourself back up to standing. THREE SETS OF FIFTEEN of those. Kill me now. Seriously.

Plus the usual – the dreaded jumping jacks, sit-ups, shoulder raises, dead lifts, scissor kicks, side planks, leg raises, blah, blah, blah, torture, torture, torture. THEN, walking lunges with sprinting/suicides mixed in between. Angela says she's going to call them "homicides" instead because they make her want to off the DS. LOL. It's Boot Camp: CSI!

Angela is not going to be there on Friday or Monday because she will be at Disney. She'll be hangin' with Mickey and the gang while I'm getting my ass kicked. I hope Mickey bites her in the butt. ;-) My hubby is going to have to literally kick me out of bed on Friday because I know I'm going to be very tempted not to go.

Just call me Puddin' cause my legs are Jello!

My little boy is 10!

A whole decade. Holy cow. Where did the time go? I feel like he was just born yesterday...

http://www.believeinbirth.net/jonahsbirth.html

Here are some pictures from the celebration we had on the night of his birthday. We also went to Outback, which is where Jonah chooses to go every year on his birthday.

Boot Camp, Day 7

More than half way done with Boot Camp. Halleluia!

Today was good. I recovered from the soreness of last week much quicker, so I was feeling pretty good this morning.

We arrive early and beat the DS there. Only 4 cadets show up this morning. Everyone must have partied too hard over the weekend.

One mile warm up then straight into various forms of torture. I do much better today. I'm able to keep up and not wimp out half way through the set of whatever exercise we happen to be doing. I call upon my "one minute" mantra to get me through.

Time goes by much quicker this morning and before I know it, we are stretching out.

Angela is going to have to miss a few days of BC because she's going to Disney. She asks DS about making up the missed time during his next BC session. I make a comment about her not wanting to come twice in one day and DS says, "I do it." (He does a BC at 5:45 a.m. and again at 6:15 p.m. on M-W-F).

Dude, I could just stand there too twice a day and tell people what to do. I say this out loud. He says defensively, "I'm in the gym 12 hours a day."

Yes, but you're a teenager and in shape. We are middle-aged and not. There's a difference.

By the way, in case you were wondering, I will not be getting an epidural (see Boot Camp, Day 6). I lost 1.4 lbs at Weight Watchers on Saturday!

Is it Friday yet?

Here's the comedy of errors that occurred this morning as we were getting ready to leave for school.

7:50 a.m.: Sadie starts to make her lunch. Jonah is harassing her to hurry up.

7:55 a.m.: Sadie asks if she can pack a pickle in her lunch. I say yes. Jonah is complaining that she's not moving fast enough so he storms out of the house.

7:56 a.m: CRASH!!!! Glass everywhere. Pickles all over the kitchen floor. Pickle juice splattered in every nook and cranny, all over the cabinets, stove, dishwasher, etc. Crying kid.

7:57 a.m. : Mommy shuttles the barefoot girls out of the glass strewn kitchen and begins the clean-up process.

7:58 a.m.: Jonah comes in to find that we are still not ready and we are cleaning up a giant pickle mess. Hysteria ensues. "We're going to be late," he shouts. I calmly assure him that we will not be late.

7:59 a.m.: Still cleaning up the mess while reminding Sadie to get her socks on and finish getting ready. She's crying because her lunch is still not made.

8:02 a.m.: Mess is cleaned up for the most part. Socks are on. Lunch is almost packed. Jonah is still complaining, storms out of the house yet again.

8:03 a.m.: Keys in hand. Ready to head out the door. Violet starts tugging on her diaper and won't come down the stairs. I ask, "Did you poop?" She nods yes.

8:04 a.m.: Changing diaper, Jonah comes in again to find we are now done cleaning up the pickle mess but now we're changing a dirty diaper. Conniption fit of massive proportion ensues. He is now yelling at Sadie to get her shoes on. He pushes her or grabs her arm or something, who the hell knows. Sadie is crying and screaming, "You're the meanest brother ever."

8:05 a.m.: Diaper is changed. Shoes are on. Everyone is loading into the car. Jonah is still throwing a fit that we are going to be late. Never mind that we are only 5 minutes off schedule and we are NEVER late. In fact, we always arrive 15 minutes early. I remind him of this. It does no good. We are still going to be late because late to him is anything less than 15 minutes early. 

8:20 a.m.: We arrive at school (5 minutes later than usual but still earlier than most). Hugs and kisses. See ya!

8:30 a.m.: Mama pulls into Starbucks for a much needed caffeine fix!

I give the kid props for wanting to be prompt, but geez, can we dial down the drama a few notches? It's only Monday morning for crying out loud!

Boot Camp, Day 6

Half way BA-BY! Woo hoo!!!

Today starts out like any other Boot Camp morning, way too early. I'm not feeling nearly as sore as I was this time last week, although still very sore. We do our 1 mile "warm up" and get ready to move into our workout. I casually ask if we can just have nutrition counseling today but since he doesn't answer, I'm guessing that's a big "NO."

Drill Sargeant has us do various forms of torture and then says "Jumping jacks, 1 minute." I loathe jumping jacks. I'm counting in my head as I'm doing them (and I do them slowly enough that each one is about one second). One, two, three...twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine...half way there...forty-three, forty-four, forty-five...

Drill Sargeant says, "You're doing great, you're half way there."

WTF?!? 

"You're lying! "That was way more than 30 seconds!" I shout. He tries to smile his way out of it and says, "No it wasn't." I say, "Yes it was. I was counting and that was at least 45 seconds."

He just laughs 'cause he knows he's been busted. My fellow cadets tell me to shut it or he's going to make us do more. I reply, "I'm not scared of you Jeff!"

Oops. Not a good thing to say to the Drill Sargeant. 

He makes us do 4 sets of push-ups (what is it with this guy and push-ups?). I am still sore from the 4 sets he made us do on Wednesday. Brutal.

Then squats with a side karate kick. I ask him if he'll come stand next to me so I can karate kick him. He doesn't.

More jumping jacks. This time, I don't count. I use one of my mantras from childbirth class. "It's only one minute, I can do anything for one minute." Over and over I say this. It is much better than counting. I will have to remember this one next week.

More torture. Then when I'm about to call it quits, he says, "Take one more lap and then we'll stretch it out." 

Oh thank goodness. Angela and I get back first along with skinny girl #1 (skinny girl #2 was not there today). The only reason she stayed with us is because on Wednesday, SG#1 and SG#2 got back so much faster than everyone else, that DS made them run another lap. 

Only 2 more weeks to go!

I have to admit, I will be very disappointed if I don't have a decent number at rehab (aka: Weight Watchers) tomorrow. Last week I only lost .4 and was diligent with my points and had 3 days of Boot Camp.

Michael says to not focus on the number. He uses a childbirth analogy because he knows that will get my attention. He says it's like dilation. The numbers don't mean anything. You have to look at the whole picture. So I will try to focus more on the "emotional signposts" and not the number. I must admit, my clothes are fitting better and I feel much better and I know that's important, but I really need to hear a good number tomorrow or I'm afraid I will have to get the epidural! :)

Knock, Knock. Who's There?

As I was leaving my house this evening for a meeting, I saw that the Mormons were out harassing my poor neighbor. She was minding her own business, weed-eating her lawn and listening to her iPod while they stood there in their white button-downs and matching ties frantically trying to get her attention. I didn't get to see the outcome of this little exchange but I imagine it didn't fall into the "success" category for the Mormons. 

What is the deal with the Jesus door-to-door salesmen? If it's not the Mormons, it's the Jehovah's Witness. When I was little, it was the Baptists knocking on the door trying to "save" me. I was 10 years old for crying out loud. What did I need to be "saved" from?

So here's how I imagine a conversation might go if the Mormons come knocking on my door...

Knock, knock.

Me: (Opening the door, snot-nosed kid clinging to my leg, hair disheveled, toilet brush in my hand) Yes?

MGs (Mormom Guys): Good afternoon ma'am. How are you today?

Me: Fine.

MGs: That's wonderful. Ma'am, we're out today recruiting for the Lord...

Me: (Interrupting; excited) Oh, are you guys Mormons?!?

MGs: Why yes ma'am, we are.

Me: I've been hoping you guys would show up. I'm really glad you stopped by. You see, I need to know where can I sign up and how long does it take to find a few new wives for my husband?

MGs: Um, ma'am, I think you misunderstand. We're not those kind of Mormons.

Me: (Disappointed) Oh, bummer. That's too bad. I could really use some extra hands around the house and some help with the kids. And it would be nice to spread out the marital duties, if you know what I mean. 

MGs: (Silent. Thinking: "Is this woman kidding or just crazy and how do we get out of here?)

Me: Well, do you know where I can find the other guys?

MGs: No ma'am. Really, we just want to talk to you about how the Lord has made such a difference in our lives.

Me: Thanks, but I'm really just looking for somebody to come and make a difference with my housework. Have a nice day.

People. Go sell Jesus somewhere else! I ain't buying. But if it's Girl Scout Cookies you have, that's a whole different story...

Yes, I know I'm going to hell and I'll be seeing many of you there (you know who you are)!

(To all my Jesus-lovin' friends and family, please remember, this is strictly meant for entertainment and not to offend anyone. Yes, you can pray for me, but I doubt it will do any good) ;-)

Boot Camp, Day 5

It was another creepy, foggy morning at Boot Camp. This is the first day I REEEEEAAAALLLLY did not want to go. But I did anyway!!! So props to me.

I even went without my partner in crime. Angela was at a birth all night so I had to go alone.

I really think Drill Sargeant is trying to make us cry and I mentioned that to my neighbors. My friend Erin said, "If you think he'd let us stop, I could totally do it." I even asked DS, "What did we ever do to you?" I think he replied, "Nothing." But what he should have said was, "You paid me to kick your fat asses into shape!"

It was upper body day which consisted of 4000 push-ups, bicep curls, tricep dips and other various forms of torture. I could barely hold my arms up to drive home. 

Boot Camp totally sucks. When I said I was looking forward to this week in one of my posts last week, I was lying. After Friday, we will be half-way finished. That is the only nice thing I have to say about BC today!

Boot Camp, Day 4

It took me ALL of the long weekend to recover from last week's Boot Camp. I was just starting to enjoy the return of the use of my legs again...eh...walking is overrated anyway. 

So I drive this morning and pick Angela up. We make it just as the drill sargeant is pulling in. Whoo hoo. Not late. 

It's a foggy morning. Very eerie. The kind you see in a slasher film right before Jason jumps out and starts his killing spree. I keep picturing some psycho jumping out of the fog at us as we are doing our 1 mile "warm up." Then Angela proceeds to tell me that the fog reminds her of a Stephen King novel, "The Mist." La, la, la. I don't want to hear it. My imagination is active enough with the help of Stephen King. In fact, it took me like 15 years (literally) to stop checking behind the shower curtain after just hearing about the shower scene in "Psycho." And if you must know, I still check from time to time. I can't watch scary movies because then I am convinced that whatever happens in the movie is going to happen to me. Seriously, I probably need to be medicated but I digress.

Back to Boot Camp...

On our first lap around the parking lot in the creepy fog, drill sargeant runs up behind us and says, "Pick up the pace." First of all, don't sneak up on us in this fog if you want to keep that pretty little face of yours, and second, this is as "picked up" as I'm gonna get at 5:45 in the morning. Hell, picking up the pace is just being here for crying out loud.

Today we worked the lower body which means 5 million squats and 2 trillion lunges. On the 4th set of lunges, drill sargeant says, "Get that back knee lower to the ground" and he happens to be standing right in front of me. For the record, it was a well-deserved comment but I was thinking, "I know what I'd like to do with this back knee..." I would SO get kicked out of the Army if this were real Boot Camp.

I told Angela I didn't like him anymore and I was taking back what I said last week about "the prize." She told me I couldn't take it back and we had ourselves a  good little chuckle right in the middle of scissor kicks. I laughed so hard, I snorted. It's the only way I can get through BC without crying.

Until tomorrow...

Boot Camp, Day 3

We make it on time today and start right into our "warm up." Whoa. I'm feeling it today. My legs and arms feel like Jello. I don't have nearly as much pep in my step today but Angela and I are determined not to finish last today. We finish a respectable 3rd and 4th right behind the skinny girls, who, by the way, are not breathing hard or breaking a sweat yet.

"Drill Sargeant" Jeff has us go right into shoulder raises, followed by push ups, bicycle crunches, more shoulder raises, and 3 more sets of push ups. Good god, I'm not cut out for this. Jumping jacks, running in place, dead lifts, more ab torture, etc. and so on. I'm dying. I really think he's trying to kill us today. But he looks so nice. I'm sandwiched in between the two skinny girls, who are STILL not breathing hard. WTF? Seriously, why are you here?

We finish up with another lap around the parking lot. Oh, I can't go on. My legs are truly going to give out. Angela is energized. "Come on, you can do it," she says. "Picture a donut straight ahead." Ugh, I can't even think about eating right now or I might vomit. We decide a better motivator might be to have the hot "drill sargeant" stand at the finish line with his shirt off and the first one there gets a prize. I won't tell you what I suggested the prize be, it's really too vulgar for polite company, but it was funny.

Done with day 3! I go home and am so sore I can't even raise my arms over my head, so Michael has to undress me. Bonus for him. Even though Boot Camp really sucks, it feels really good. I'm looking forward to next week. In fact, this morning on the way to school, I passed several people out for their morning runs, and instead of feeling guilty like normal for not working out, I thought, "Ha suckers, I've already worked out for an hour, taken a shower and am ready for the day and it's only 8 a.m.!"

Now for Ibuprofen and an Epsom Salt bath...

Boot Camp, Day 2

September 3, 2009

Once again, Angela picks me up at 5:35 a.m. and we make our way to the park. We are a few minutes late and everyone has started the one mile "warm up" without us.

Angela says, "I thought we'd meet up and at least exchange pleasantries before we started." I replied, "This is BOOT CAMP, this ain't no f***in' Starbucks! There's no pleasantries in Boot Camp!" While we're having a good little chuckle, the skinny girls lap us and we are feeling bad for being late. 

Today the "drill sargeant" (who's not looking so cute anymore), makes us do squats, sit-ups, more squats, jumping jacks, more SQUATS and I'm still standing. OK, this is a good sign! Now we do a jillion sets of walking lunges with sprints mixed in between. Still standing. More lunges, more ab exercises, calf raises and who knows what else and I'm feeling pretty good. I can totally do this!

Torture, I mean Boot Camp, Day 1

September 2, 20009

So my friend Angela decided to go to Body Sculptor's Boot Camp for the next 4 weeks and since we're lesbian lovers (according to our husbands) and do everything else together, I thought, "Why not?"

Wednesday morning, Angela picks me up at the butt crack of dawn (5:35 a.m.) and we make our way to Tom Sawyer park with our weights, exercise mats, water and visions of being ripped at the end of 4 weeks.

We "warm up" with a 1 mile run. "OK, I'm done. That was a great work out. Oh, we're not done yet? Dang." Then we proceed to do jumping jacks, bicep curls,  stomach exercises, etc. On the second set, I said, "I don't feel so good." I thought I might pass out. What a wimp. No, damnit, I'm no wimp. I had 3 children without epidurals for crying out loud. I can do this. Nope. Gotta sit down or I'm gonna fall down.

Now everyone is looking at me. I think, well I didn't eat anything this morning, maybe my blood sugar is low. But I'm feeling like I've never felt before. Very out of it and very dizzy. The cutie pie "drill sargeant" tells me to lie down with my legs propped up. OK, so now I'm LAYING down at BOOT CAMP. Jeez. 

I try to rest a few minutes and get back up. Not a good idea. Now everyone is running sprints. Uh, I don't think so. So I lay back down. The sweet little nurse next to me (who I ask if she's hired to be there for wimps like me. She assures me that she is there of her own accord.) tells me she use to pass out due to low blood pressure.

OMG!!! DUH! I had started a new medication earlier in the week and the one of the side effects is low blood pressure. Sigh. I'm not a wimp after all, it's the drugs. So I continue to do the lying down exercises and leave feeling a little better. 

I go home and drink 120 oz. of fluid throughout the rest of the day and rest whenever I can. I feel hungover most of the day. I discontinue the medicine and vow to go back tomorrow to redeem myself...