Penis, Placentas & Poop

More from the Sadie Chronicles...

Yesterday, Sadie had a friend over after school. I was cleaning out closets and had piles of stuff in the hallway. There just so happened to be a giant picture of a placenta. Sadie's friend Skylar said, "What's that?" Sadie said, "Oh, that's a placenta. There's the umbilical cord. And see that, that's where the baby lived." Skylar replied, "That's gross." It was high comedy (what can I say, I'm easily amused).

Later, Sadie walked out of her room with a large red xylophone tube between her legs. She said, "Look at my giant penis." After I told her to play a more appropriate game, she proceeded to say it two more times. Normally, I would have found this rather funny, but I was afraid of what poor Skylar was going to go home and tell her mom. She may never be allowed back.

Here are the jokes the girls told in the car on the way to take Skylar back to her mom.

Sadie: "Knock. Knock."
Skylar: "Who's there?"
Sadie: "S."
Skylar: "S who?"
Sadie: "S, why aren't you making a letter?"

Skylar: "Knock. Knock."
Sadie: "Who's there?"
Skylar: "Tree."
Sadie: "Tree who?
Skylar: "Tree, why aren't you blooming?"

Oh, and I forgot to mention the hysterical laughing that ensued after each of these jokes. Violet even joined in.

The final joke:

Sadie: "Knock. Knock."
Skylar: "Who's there?"
Sadie: "Butthole."
Skylar: "Butthole who?"
Sadie: "Butthole, why aren't you pooping?"

I have to admit, I actually giggled on that one! Who can resist a poop joke?

Kidney Woes

Wow. I didn't realize how long I had neglected my blog. I am still dealing with the UTI which turned into a kidney infection. The antibiotics I was first prescribed, apparently, are not effective for the particular bacteria that I have. So the doc called in a different one, even though I was starting to feel better. I've been taking the new one, but seem to be getting worse. My kidneys are still hurting and I'm dog tired. This has been going on now for 9 days. Sigh.

On a brighter note, we had dinner at the "Country Club" tonight (aka Chick-fil-A). We were discussing Halloween costumes. Jonah and Sadie were trying to come up with costume ideas for Michael and me. Jonah suggested Michael go as a "Blackberry." At first we didn't quite understand but once it sunk in we roared with laughter. It is the perfect costume. Michael might as well have his Blackberry surgically attached to his hand – he is forever on it. In fact, his cohorts at work have nicknamed him "Captain Blackberry." So, that's exactly what he is going to be. We were trying to come up with his super powers. Jonah said he should have "Super-Not-Listening-To-Anyone" powers. Sad but true! We are going to have lots of fun with this one. I will be sure to post pictures when the time comes. Jonah also said that I should go as "Super Baby Maker."

Moving on...Tonight, after we got home, Sadie asked me if I ever read "Goodnight Moon" when I was a "little kid." I said, "No." She replied, "Were books still alive then?" (Sadie-ese translation: were books even invented yet because you are so old?) It's funny, because up until a few days ago, she thought I was 29. She always asks me, "Mommy are you 29?" I, of course, reply, "Yes." But the other day, someone (Jonah) told her the truth. She keeps asking me over and over in disbelief, "Are you REALLY 35?" Again, sad but true!

Nurse Sadie to the rescue

I developed a UTI today. Yuck. And ouch! I was going to the bathroom earlier and was practically in tears. Sadie was standing at the door. She said, "It's OK Mama. Just take three deep breaths. That's what sometimes helps me." She was right, it did help a little. My little doula in training!

She was very attentive to me the rest of the night. She brought me a blanket and pillow, rubbed my back and brought me water. The best was when she said, "I hope you feel better Mama. I don't want you to stay like this until you die." I couldn't agree more!

Today's recap

Today the kids and I baked cookies. They are very tasty but not as cute as I was hoping. Then we went to the mall so I could buy a replacement battery for my laptop. The kids wanted to play on the boat. Jonah asked if he could take Violet down the slide and I said, "Sure!"

She LOVED it! Jonah thought he would take her down once and that would be it. He must have taken her at least 15 times. Every time he brought her back to me, she fussed and stretched out her arms to him. It was so sweet.

When we got home, I realized that the Apple store gave me the wrong battery. Not happy.

I was doing laundry before bedtime and Violet grabbed a pair of my underwear out of the basket and proceeded to crawl all over the house with them in her hand. She does this often with apparel - usually with socks, but occasionally with wash cloths, diaper wipes, Sadie's shirts, etc. She has a clothing fetish apparently. I have found socks and other articles of clothing that she has taken in her car seat on countless occasions.

So it was no surprise to see her with my underwear tonight. However, she refused to give them up and actually fell asleep snuggling with my silk underwear. At least they were clean! There have been many times when she has fallen asleep clutching a dirty sock.

I'm being replaced

Tonight, Jonah got Violet ready for bed all by himself. I'm not sure what prompted it, but it was very sweet and kind of hilarious. He changed her diaper (his first diaper change ever)! And I use cloth diapers so it was no easy task. I think he actually did a better job than Michael and he's had much more practice. It took him about 10 minutes to change it and Violet just laid there patiently. Then he put her pajamas on her. At one point, she started to get a little fussy at his clumsiness and he said, "I'm sorry sweetie." It was so cute.

After he got her dressed, I said, "Are you going to put her to bed too?" So he sat in the rocking chair with her and started to read her bedtime story. About 30 seconds into it, she looked at me and started wailing. It was a good try. I think with a bit more practice, Jonah will be able to take over for me. What will I do with all my spare time?