Boot Camp, Day 13

Praise Jesus, Mary Joseph, all the Saints, Allah, Zeus, Buddha, and all the other deities, BOOT CAMP IS OVER!!! And I didn't die. Bonus.

Today was the final assessment and since I missed the first one, there wasn't a lot for me to compare my results to. After Drill Sargent weighed everyone and measured and assessed their body fat, it was my turn. I was like, no really, I wasn't here for the first assessment, what's the point? He said, "How about we at least do your body fat?" I sarcastically replied, "I would LOVE to." Let's just say, I need to do about 10 more Boot Camps!

Even though I don't necessarily have concrete results to compare, I can definitely feel a difference in my energy level. I also have toned up quite a bit and have definitely lost some inches. Tomorrow is WW so I will know how much, if any, weight I lost during Boot Camp.

It was definitely a worthwhile experience and I highly recommend it to any lady out there who would like to kick start her fitness routine. www.louisvillebootcamp.com. Check it out!

I think I will probably go back in January after the holiday eating frenzy!

Boot Camp, Day 12

September 24, 2009

This was the last official workout day for Boot Camp! It was humid as hell again today. It rained, so we went undercover back by the pool at Tom Sawyer. I desperately wanted to jump in the pool, slimy green water and all because I was so freakin' HOT. And the amount of sweat that poured off of my body, seriously, I had to wring my clothes out when I was finished.

Drill Sargent found a new torture device for us: picnic tables. He made us do 4,000 step-ups onto the bench, which is no easy task for a gal who is barely 5'3"! We also did tricep dips on the picnic table. Who knew a picnic table could be a piece of workout equipment?

All in all, another really good workout!

Boot Camp, Day 11

Holy cow, was it humid this morning. I have NEVER sweated so much in my entire life. If was dripping down into my eyes for crying out loud. It was a really good workout today though. It went by pretty fast and was over before I knew it. Only one more workout and then assessments on Friday! Woo hoo!!!

I am very glad to have my partner in crime back!

Boot Camp, Day 10

I'm a loser. Didn't go. Violet kept me up all night and I was too tired. Lame excuse, I know. But that's what happened.

Lucky me, we are meeting 4 times this week because we have assessment day on Friday!

Boot Camp, Day 9

I went. I didn't die. The end.

Boot Camp, Day 8

Well, I was starting to feel a little cocky after Monday's Boot Camp, like, I have this whole Boot Camp thang down. Oh boy, was I put back in my place today! Drill Sargent wasn't feeling well today and he certainly took it out on us. (And by the way, why didn't any of you grammar punks tell me I was spelling "Sargent" wrong this whole time?)

After watching the Biggest Loser last night, I was thinking I needed a little Jillian in my life. Some hard core, bad ass biatch yelling in my face saying things like, "Move your fat ass NOW!" and "Maybe if you had lifted a few more weights and a few less donuts, you wouldn't be here right now!" Even though DS isn't an f-bomb dropping, in your face, hard core kinda guy like Jillian, he still manages to push us to the point of wanting to die.

So here's a recap of today...

We arrive a few minutes early. DS isn't there yet. We stretch a little and begin the "warm up." About 1/2 way around the first lap, DS pulls in. Angela remarks, "He's late. He needs to drop and give us 20." We have a good laugh.

The biggest torture of the day is something called "body builders." Basically, you jump down and back into a push-up position, jump your legs out into a "jumping jack" position, then jump them back together, drop into a push-up then hoist yourself back up to standing. THREE SETS OF FIFTEEN of those. Kill me now. Seriously.

Plus the usual – the dreaded jumping jacks, sit-ups, shoulder raises, dead lifts, scissor kicks, side planks, leg raises, blah, blah, blah, torture, torture, torture. THEN, walking lunges with sprinting/suicides mixed in between. Angela says she's going to call them "homicides" instead because they make her want to off the DS. LOL. It's Boot Camp: CSI!

Angela is not going to be there on Friday or Monday because she will be at Disney. She'll be hangin' with Mickey and the gang while I'm getting my ass kicked. I hope Mickey bites her in the butt. ;-) My hubby is going to have to literally kick me out of bed on Friday because I know I'm going to be very tempted not to go.

Just call me Puddin' cause my legs are Jello!

Boot Camp, Day 7

More than half way done with Boot Camp. Halleluia!

Today was good. I recovered from the soreness of last week much quicker, so I was feeling pretty good this morning.

We arrive early and beat the DS there. Only 4 cadets show up this morning. Everyone must have partied too hard over the weekend.

One mile warm up then straight into various forms of torture. I do much better today. I'm able to keep up and not wimp out half way through the set of whatever exercise we happen to be doing. I call upon my "one minute" mantra to get me through.

Time goes by much quicker this morning and before I know it, we are stretching out.

Angela is going to have to miss a few days of BC because she's going to Disney. She asks DS about making up the missed time during his next BC session. I make a comment about her not wanting to come twice in one day and DS says, "I do it." (He does a BC at 5:45 a.m. and again at 6:15 p.m. on M-W-F).

Dude, I could just stand there too twice a day and tell people what to do. I say this out loud. He says defensively, "I'm in the gym 12 hours a day."

Yes, but you're a teenager and in shape. We are middle-aged and not. There's a difference.

By the way, in case you were wondering, I will not be getting an epidural (see Boot Camp, Day 6). I lost 1.4 lbs at Weight Watchers on Saturday!

Boot Camp, Day 6

Half way BA-BY! Woo hoo!!!

Today starts out like any other Boot Camp morning, way too early. I'm not feeling nearly as sore as I was this time last week, although still very sore. We do our 1 mile "warm up" and get ready to move into our workout. I casually ask if we can just have nutrition counseling today but since he doesn't answer, I'm guessing that's a big "NO."

Drill Sargeant has us do various forms of torture and then says "Jumping jacks, 1 minute." I loathe jumping jacks. I'm counting in my head as I'm doing them (and I do them slowly enough that each one is about one second). One, two, three...twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine...half way there...forty-three, forty-four, forty-five...

Drill Sargeant says, "You're doing great, you're half way there."

WTF?!? 

"You're lying! "That was way more than 30 seconds!" I shout. He tries to smile his way out of it and says, "No it wasn't." I say, "Yes it was. I was counting and that was at least 45 seconds."

He just laughs 'cause he knows he's been busted. My fellow cadets tell me to shut it or he's going to make us do more. I reply, "I'm not scared of you Jeff!"

Oops. Not a good thing to say to the Drill Sargeant. 

He makes us do 4 sets of push-ups (what is it with this guy and push-ups?). I am still sore from the 4 sets he made us do on Wednesday. Brutal.

Then squats with a side karate kick. I ask him if he'll come stand next to me so I can karate kick him. He doesn't.

More jumping jacks. This time, I don't count. I use one of my mantras from childbirth class. "It's only one minute, I can do anything for one minute." Over and over I say this. It is much better than counting. I will have to remember this one next week.

More torture. Then when I'm about to call it quits, he says, "Take one more lap and then we'll stretch it out." 

Oh thank goodness. Angela and I get back first along with skinny girl #1 (skinny girl #2 was not there today). The only reason she stayed with us is because on Wednesday, SG#1 and SG#2 got back so much faster than everyone else, that DS made them run another lap. 

Only 2 more weeks to go!

I have to admit, I will be very disappointed if I don't have a decent number at rehab (aka: Weight Watchers) tomorrow. Last week I only lost .4 and was diligent with my points and had 3 days of Boot Camp.

Michael says to not focus on the number. He uses a childbirth analogy because he knows that will get my attention. He says it's like dilation. The numbers don't mean anything. You have to look at the whole picture. So I will try to focus more on the "emotional signposts" and not the number. I must admit, my clothes are fitting better and I feel much better and I know that's important, but I really need to hear a good number tomorrow or I'm afraid I will have to get the epidural! :)

Boot Camp, Day 5

It was another creepy, foggy morning at Boot Camp. This is the first day I REEEEEAAAALLLLY did not want to go. But I did anyway!!! So props to me.

I even went without my partner in crime. Angela was at a birth all night so I had to go alone.

I really think Drill Sargeant is trying to make us cry and I mentioned that to my neighbors. My friend Erin said, "If you think he'd let us stop, I could totally do it." I even asked DS, "What did we ever do to you?" I think he replied, "Nothing." But what he should have said was, "You paid me to kick your fat asses into shape!"

It was upper body day which consisted of 4000 push-ups, bicep curls, tricep dips and other various forms of torture. I could barely hold my arms up to drive home. 

Boot Camp totally sucks. When I said I was looking forward to this week in one of my posts last week, I was lying. After Friday, we will be half-way finished. That is the only nice thing I have to say about BC today!

Boot Camp, Day 4

It took me ALL of the long weekend to recover from last week's Boot Camp. I was just starting to enjoy the return of the use of my legs again...eh...walking is overrated anyway. 

So I drive this morning and pick Angela up. We make it just as the drill sargeant is pulling in. Whoo hoo. Not late. 

It's a foggy morning. Very eerie. The kind you see in a slasher film right before Jason jumps out and starts his killing spree. I keep picturing some psycho jumping out of the fog at us as we are doing our 1 mile "warm up." Then Angela proceeds to tell me that the fog reminds her of a Stephen King novel, "The Mist." La, la, la. I don't want to hear it. My imagination is active enough with the help of Stephen King. In fact, it took me like 15 years (literally) to stop checking behind the shower curtain after just hearing about the shower scene in "Psycho." And if you must know, I still check from time to time. I can't watch scary movies because then I am convinced that whatever happens in the movie is going to happen to me. Seriously, I probably need to be medicated but I digress.

Back to Boot Camp...

On our first lap around the parking lot in the creepy fog, drill sargeant runs up behind us and says, "Pick up the pace." First of all, don't sneak up on us in this fog if you want to keep that pretty little face of yours, and second, this is as "picked up" as I'm gonna get at 5:45 in the morning. Hell, picking up the pace is just being here for crying out loud.

Today we worked the lower body which means 5 million squats and 2 trillion lunges. On the 4th set of lunges, drill sargeant says, "Get that back knee lower to the ground" and he happens to be standing right in front of me. For the record, it was a well-deserved comment but I was thinking, "I know what I'd like to do with this back knee..." I would SO get kicked out of the Army if this were real Boot Camp.

I told Angela I didn't like him anymore and I was taking back what I said last week about "the prize." She told me I couldn't take it back and we had ourselves a  good little chuckle right in the middle of scissor kicks. I laughed so hard, I snorted. It's the only way I can get through BC without crying.

Until tomorrow...

Boot Camp, Day 3

We make it on time today and start right into our "warm up." Whoa. I'm feeling it today. My legs and arms feel like Jello. I don't have nearly as much pep in my step today but Angela and I are determined not to finish last today. We finish a respectable 3rd and 4th right behind the skinny girls, who, by the way, are not breathing hard or breaking a sweat yet.

"Drill Sargeant" Jeff has us go right into shoulder raises, followed by push ups, bicycle crunches, more shoulder raises, and 3 more sets of push ups. Good god, I'm not cut out for this. Jumping jacks, running in place, dead lifts, more ab torture, etc. and so on. I'm dying. I really think he's trying to kill us today. But he looks so nice. I'm sandwiched in between the two skinny girls, who are STILL not breathing hard. WTF? Seriously, why are you here?

We finish up with another lap around the parking lot. Oh, I can't go on. My legs are truly going to give out. Angela is energized. "Come on, you can do it," she says. "Picture a donut straight ahead." Ugh, I can't even think about eating right now or I might vomit. We decide a better motivator might be to have the hot "drill sargeant" stand at the finish line with his shirt off and the first one there gets a prize. I won't tell you what I suggested the prize be, it's really too vulgar for polite company, but it was funny.

Done with day 3! I go home and am so sore I can't even raise my arms over my head, so Michael has to undress me. Bonus for him. Even though Boot Camp really sucks, it feels really good. I'm looking forward to next week. In fact, this morning on the way to school, I passed several people out for their morning runs, and instead of feeling guilty like normal for not working out, I thought, "Ha suckers, I've already worked out for an hour, taken a shower and am ready for the day and it's only 8 a.m.!"

Now for Ibuprofen and an Epsom Salt bath...

Boot Camp, Day 2

September 3, 2009

Once again, Angela picks me up at 5:35 a.m. and we make our way to the park. We are a few minutes late and everyone has started the one mile "warm up" without us.

Angela says, "I thought we'd meet up and at least exchange pleasantries before we started." I replied, "This is BOOT CAMP, this ain't no f***in' Starbucks! There's no pleasantries in Boot Camp!" While we're having a good little chuckle, the skinny girls lap us and we are feeling bad for being late. 

Today the "drill sargeant" (who's not looking so cute anymore), makes us do squats, sit-ups, more squats, jumping jacks, more SQUATS and I'm still standing. OK, this is a good sign! Now we do a jillion sets of walking lunges with sprints mixed in between. Still standing. More lunges, more ab exercises, calf raises and who knows what else and I'm feeling pretty good. I can totally do this!

Torture, I mean Boot Camp, Day 1

September 2, 20009

So my friend Angela decided to go to Body Sculptor's Boot Camp for the next 4 weeks and since we're lesbian lovers (according to our husbands) and do everything else together, I thought, "Why not?"

Wednesday morning, Angela picks me up at the butt crack of dawn (5:35 a.m.) and we make our way to Tom Sawyer park with our weights, exercise mats, water and visions of being ripped at the end of 4 weeks.

We "warm up" with a 1 mile run. "OK, I'm done. That was a great work out. Oh, we're not done yet? Dang." Then we proceed to do jumping jacks, bicep curls,  stomach exercises, etc. On the second set, I said, "I don't feel so good." I thought I might pass out. What a wimp. No, damnit, I'm no wimp. I had 3 children without epidurals for crying out loud. I can do this. Nope. Gotta sit down or I'm gonna fall down.

Now everyone is looking at me. I think, well I didn't eat anything this morning, maybe my blood sugar is low. But I'm feeling like I've never felt before. Very out of it and very dizzy. The cutie pie "drill sargeant" tells me to lie down with my legs propped up. OK, so now I'm LAYING down at BOOT CAMP. Jeez. 

I try to rest a few minutes and get back up. Not a good idea. Now everyone is running sprints. Uh, I don't think so. So I lay back down. The sweet little nurse next to me (who I ask if she's hired to be there for wimps like me. She assures me that she is there of her own accord.) tells me she use to pass out due to low blood pressure.

OMG!!! DUH! I had started a new medication earlier in the week and the one of the side effects is low blood pressure. Sigh. I'm not a wimp after all, it's the drugs. So I continue to do the lying down exercises and leave feeling a little better. 

I go home and drink 120 oz. of fluid throughout the rest of the day and rest whenever I can. I feel hungover most of the day. I discontinue the medicine and vow to go back tomorrow to redeem myself...